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#CoupleGoals

Guest Column by Lora Songster

 

Do you have a realistic view of what your life is going to look like after your vows are said? I saw a post on social media where two celebrities, who are in a relationship, were photographed looking blissful and of course, camera-ready. Underneath the photo was a comment saying #couplegoal. That is a dangerous line of thinking.

 

Photo courtesy of Brian Anthony Photography

 

In the social media example, we are making a judgement of people we don’t know personally. We may have them on a pedestal based on their looks or talent. Photoshop and filters exist literally and figuratively here. It is not a fair standard to use as a comparison to your union. As you’ve noticed, we, as a society, post good pictures of ourselves while updating the world on the best pieces of our lives. As a voyeur of someone else’s online life or marriage, it may become defeating as you look at your own life and relationship. Don’t allow that to happen.

Refuse to contrast your mundane or worst moments to another couple’s best. Keep in mind you are not seeing a complete picture. You are viewing them through the sieve of what they feel is acceptable to share. Think of this as an example: you, as a child, are fighting with your siblings. There’s shouting and tussling and your mother is at her wits end and raises her voice in a stern tone. The phone rings. How does she answer the phone? Is it in the same frustrated tone or sweetly? I don’t know your mom, but I am quite sure it would be the latter. Perception is rarely reality. As you look at your own relationship, celebrate the things the two of you do well and accept that there are areas that need adjusting.

 

Photo courtesy of Ashley Stone Photography

 

I wanted to emulate the marriages of my parents and grandparents. I was extremely fortunate to have tremendous examples. They appeared to navigate matrimonial waters with expertise and ease. When I was a young bride, I wanted a lot of things. I wanted a house, nice furnishings, exciting vacations, etcetera. I remember my mother telling me that I wanted the life and possessions of a couple who had been married for decades, not months. I wasn’t considering the work behind the life and material goods. The example is analogous to their relationship. My parents started dating at 14 years old. They were a wonderful love story. Neither their life nor marriage was perfect. Fortunately, I was privy to a marriage which was (as they all are) a work in progress. I was aware it wasn’t all slow dancing and smooches. They did not choose to only disagree behind closed doors. There were raised voices and an occasional slammed door. Ultimately, they worked through their issues and always found their way back to one another over and over for half a century. This is a reality-based, lovely #couplegoal.

 

Lora Songster is a Triad veteran broadcast professional working in radio, television, and print. She is a freelance voice-over artist and writer. She is a passionate member of the local non-profit community, dedicated to amplifying and supporting the voices of those in need. Lora is married with two daughters and a granddaughter, and likely found with her dog, Dolly. 

 

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